Jibber-Jabber

Yesterday, Tabetha Jones let slip the announcement that Zoey Sweete has been offered representation at a prestigious literary agency. She says:

Eric is nothing is more than a liar. See Zoey got a contract offer a big one from Jaberwocky. Im sure he believes he is entitled to some of that money but unfortunately if the deal goes thru that money will go to Phoenix and I will show every piece of evidence showing that it went there.

It was a taunt to her ex, insisting that she’s about to hit the big time, leaving him in the dust. And it was a message to all the rest of us as well, to rub our noses in her success, to make us all oh, so jealous.

Says Tabetha:

I sent Blood Magic off 1yr and half go don’t email that often. I emailed back to see if they were still interested and yes it is Jabberwocky literally agency. And Phoenix knows all about it and they know all about Phoenix no problems either side. All 9 of the books under that series if the price is right.

The first thing I want to know is why she’s talking about Zoey Sweete and Phoenix Fire as if they aren’t her. Tabetha Jones is Zoey Sweete, and Phoenix Fire is her company. Is she letting her anticipated success go to her head prematurely, referring to herself in the third person, or has the multiple personality split finally become permanent?

The next question is this: Who does she think she’s kidding? Does she really expect anybody to believe that she got offered a contract from an agency the name of which she can’t even spell correctly? Anybody who’s read one of Tabetha’s books, blogs or posts can see that she is clearly unable to write a single sentence at the literary level it would take to score proper representation. She literally can’t write her way out of a wet paper sack. No agency worth their salt would give her illiterate crap a second look. If they did, they would be lowering their credibility a whole bunch of notches.

But, okay. Let’s set aside reality for a moment and assume that some poor submissions editor was stoned or lost a bet. Let’s say that she did get offered a contract. That brings up a couple more questions.
While bragging about all this money she’s going to make, she’s admitting that she’ll have enough money to pay back all of the authors that are still waiting for Tabetha to make good on their contracts from the Mystic Press days. And probably authors that haven’t been paid properly since during the Phoenix Fire days, either. So, when will that happen?
Tabetha keeps boasting that Phoenix Fire Publishing is such a professional, legitimate publishing company that puts authors on the best-sellers list. So why does she need to seek representation from this agency? Right? If she’s such an uber-publisher, what else would an author need?

I wonder what she’s telling her authors to keep them from questioning why she’s doing so much for herself instead of focusing on them as their publisher. Is she telling them that once she’s in the door, she’ll bring them in, too? Is she keeping them at bay with the promise of sharing her success? What a sneaky way to be perfectly selfish in her endeavors, and get them to cheer her on while she does it. Sneaky. But that’s what scam artists do. They con people.
Is she cooking up the notion that Jabberwocky is going to buy out her company? Is that where all this money is coming from?

Biggest question of all: Does she really think anybody is stupid enough to believe that?
Agencies don’t work that way. They don’t just let you bring in your buddies. If – and that’s a big IF – she does get picked up by an agent, she and only SHE is represented. Even the biggest real authors can’t pick up the phone and demand that their agent represent his/her buddies. Agencies take referrals from established authors, and that’s it. An agent, or agency, takes a referral into consideration and takes a look. Whether or not the agency picks up the author doesn’t depend on the referral. It comes down to whether or not the agency thinks that an author is good enough. Simple as that.

And, if she’s saying that Phoenix Fire is going to be incorporated into Jabberwocky somehow, it doesn’t work that way either. Literary agencies and publishing companies are completely different things, for a reason. They deal with completely different aspects of the book-making process. Agents represent authors legally and professionally, presenting them to publishers. Publishing houses handle the physical aspect of producing and distributing the book itself. They’re not the same thing. So if somebody says that their publishing company is going to be picked up somehow by a literary agency, that’s a red flag that they are probably full of shit.

Another point that I find to be amusing: Tabetha said somewhere that she’d take this deal, but only if they offered her enough money for it.
Who the hell does she think she is? Some scam self-publisher that thinks she has the clout to negotiate a series deal? Talk about delusions of grandeur. She can refuse to sign the contract if she doesn’t like the offer, but that’s the extent of it. She has neither the standing nor the know-how to negotiate or demand a higher payday. And really, she’s such a greedy attention whore. Who here believes that she’d turn down any such contract?
Me neither.

Tabetha saying that she scored this amazing multi-book contract is like a guy that scrubs toilets in the basement claiming that he just got a corner office in the executive wing. She might have actually pestered an agent into giving her a second look, but I’ll believe this amazing contract deal when I see it.

What do you think?