According to Psychology Today, individuals with narcissistic personality disorder generally believe that the world revolves around them. This condition is characterized by a lack of ability to empathize with others and a desire to keep the focus on themselves at all times. Narcissism involves cockiness, manipulativeness, selfishness, power motives, and vanity-a love of mirrors. Related personality traits include: Psychopathy, Machiavellianism.
Let’s take a look at some of the classic characteristics of a narcissist.
They refuse responsibility
Nothing is their fault. Nothing is ever their fault. It’s your fault. It’s his fault. It’s her fault. If they get caught doing something sneaky, selfish or subversive, it’s because they “had to” doing it because of something else or someone else. They’ll give you lies and excuses, anything but acceptance of responsibility for their own actions.
They lie to make themselves look better. They lie to manipulate. They lie to shirk responsibility. There’s no such thing as an honest narcissist.
They look down on you
The narcissist has to feel like they’re better than you. They have an over-exaggerated self importance. In order to gain this sense of superiority, they will degrade or lie about anything or anybody they consider a threat to their self-supposed sense of superiority. They condescend, snobby, clique-ish and elitist. Everything they think, say, or do is, in the mind of a narcissist, better than anything you think, say or do.
A narcissist has two faces, the stage face and the real one. Which one you see will depend on how long or how well you know them. The narcissist can be very charming and know how to gain favor. Anyone who doesn’t know a narcissist very well will think that the narcissist is one of the greatest people they’ve ever met! They believe this is one of the most intelligent, kindest, most interesting, funny, agreeable, most attractive, talented or accomplished people ever. The people that know the narcissist well sees the true face, a toxic and horrible person that cares nothing for the feelings of whoever they abuse. Being one of the only, or few, people that knows the true face of the narcissist is lonely, painful and frustrating. Thankfully, the number of people who see the narcissist for what he or she truly is will increase over time as more and more people see through the facade.
If you dare to question a narcissist or request things like healthy boundaries and honesty, the “Mr. or Ms. Wonderful” mask immediately comes off, and there is no level they will not stoop to in order to “punish” you. The methods may be subversive or obvious, and there’s no end they won’t explore to make you pay. You’re enemy number one, and you can expect to be on that shit list for a very long time. Maybe forever. They will attack you (sometimes physically) and spew a load of bile, insult, abuse, contempt, threats, etc. They will say you are nothing, worthless, and turn around immediately and say that they love you.
They project psychologically
Whatever the narcissist is guilty of, whether it’s lying, cheating or stealing, that’s what YOU will be accused of. And if you dare point the finger at them for the things they do, YOU become the abuser. The more the narcissist accuses someone else, the more you can be certain that it’s something they themselves have done and are seeking to conceal subversively.
Lack of empathy
Above all, the narcissist lacks the ability to identify with the feelings of others. the most telling narcissistic personality trait, the narcissist simply does not care about any thoughts or feelings that conflict with their own.They can feign sympathy if it furthers their own personal agenda, but these feelings are simply for show. They are not truly felt nor considered by the narcissist. The instant it no longer serves the narcissist, the facade of concern will disappear. They won’t take other people’s feelings into consideration and so they overlook the fact that other people will react with feeling when abused or exploited and that most people get really pissed off by being lied to or lied about.
Lack of conscience
Narcissists lack a mature conscience. Their moral intelligence is about at the level of a bright five- or six-year-old. As long as they think they can get away with whatever they’re up to, they will.
The substance abuser
Alcohol, drugs, you name it. The narcissist seeks gratification by over-indulging in food, drugs, drinking, exercise or sex. Whatever the narcissist thinks will satisfy them at the time, they feel entitled to use it or abuse it as long as they think it will satisfy them.
Pornography, masturbation, incest, any overtly sexual behavior is displayed by the sexual narcissist. Anything, anyone, young, old, male/female, are there for the narcissist’s gratification. This predator takes what is available, often engaging in superficial sexual escapades. And it won’t matter if this narcissist’s target is in a committed relationship with friends or even family. The narcissist knows no bounds.
The penitent narcissist
When cornered or facing exposure, the narcissist will say things like: “I’ve behaved horribly, I’ll change, I love you.” The narcissist appears to come clean, admitting past “mistakes” and asking forgiveness. The narcissist knows your vulnerabilities and what buttons to push. Above all, the narcissist will play upon your sympathies. You hope for the change this narcissist promised, willing to forgive and give them the second chance they beg for. Once back in the door, literally or figuratively , this narcissist will enjoy a second reign of terror. And a third, fourth and fifth, depending upon how many chances they beg for and you kind-heartedly give. The only real way you won’t be further abused by this narcissist is to stop giving those second chances and protect yourself by removing yourself from their circle of influence.
You will never convince a person with NPD that he is wrong, so don’t even try. They don’t think and will never accept that they’re doing anything wrong, and they will not change. Accept right now that your emotional needs will not be met by this person, so surround yourself with a support network that can empathize with you and will support your emotional needs where the narcissist will not.