Heal Thyself

I posted a few days ago about an ex girlfriend of the great Steve Clark using his passing to not only garner sympathy from among his loyal fans, but also to promote endeavors from which she potentially profits financially.

For years, she’s plugged a book she wrote, a truly dreadful self-serving bit of tripe that touts herself as his only lifeline to reality, his star-crossed soul-mate that the band and their handlers ripped away from her, contributing to his downward spiral and ultimately his death. She’s blamed the band many times, (as recently as last month in an interview on the radio in Great Britain) saying that they ignored his problems and fired him at the end instead of getting him help.

As a Lep fan, I find that to be insulting. They were there for him many times when she wasn’t, attending rehabs with him and doing everything they could to save him. But it’s impossible to save someone who couldn’t save himself. And, in the end, they didn’t fire him. They gave him whatever time he needed to go home and get well. That’s very different.

This ex of his makes a great show of how she helps others heal, but how can she hope to help others heal when she hasn’t done that herself?

There’s a huge difference between honoring someone you knew in the past, and clinging to them.

Each year, she does some ritual, whether it’s a video on YouTube literally dragging out his dirty laundry and talking about how she dressed him, all the things she did for him, and making it all about herself under the guise of celebrating his memory, or holding a candlelight vigil while wearing a tee shirt plugging her book.

This year, I thought she was done milking him for attention  after she invited the entire world to mourn with her at his graveside last month. The only 5 people that showed up were mates of his that she rung up to come around. Nobody else showed. Not the band (who were in town) and not his family (who obviously live there). And then, to top off the memorial service, they went to a pub across the street. I wonder if that isn’t a questionable move, since alcohol killed him, and she spent most of the book complaining about how much time he spent in pubs.

But if that failed memorial was the extent of her antics for the year, I would have been fine with it. No harm done. Just a sad bid for attention that didn’t get her any.

And then I saw the pictures.

In the first, she’s LITERALLY standing on his grave posing for a selfie, smiling from ear to ear with something very unlike grief in her eyes.

In the second, and by far the worst, she’s got herself draped over his headstone, the very image of the grief-struck widow.

I can’t begin to describe how disturbing I find this behavior. Not only has she apparently not healed a whit, but she clings, literally, to him, year after year, playing upon the fans’ sympathies about his passing to get attention for herself.


Well the pictures aren’t just of his headstone, are they? Nope. She’s in them, posing her ass off. I don’t think it’s about honoring him at all. The agenda looks to glorify herself using a past association with a man that didn’t want her in his life, just like she’s done ever since his real wife died and wasn’t around to defend her husband’s memory, or her own.

If she behaved like this while he was still alive, she’d be considered a stalker and he’d take legal action to make her stop. But wait. He did that, didn’t he? An order of no contact was sworn out forbidding her to contact him, wasn’t it? She admitted it herself, blaming “his handlers” for it, as if he didn’t have any authority over his own affairs.

No. He didn’t want her in his life at all, and the fact that he had to initiate paperwork gives us the hint that she stalked him then, like she does now. Only now, he’s not around to file paperwork putting a stop to it. And neither is his wife.

But, at least this failed memorial didn’t put money in her pocket. That’s a good thing, at least. Right?


She’s not done. She’s doing to do a podcast in a few days, answering questions from his adoring fans, and she’ll doubtless put her usual spin on it, making the interview, and his entire life, all about her. The woman he didn’t marry and didn’t want around.

And, yes. It does seem that there’s a financial incentive after all. She’s got an upcoming indiegogo project in the works to raise money for a video project she’s calling “Skin on Skin.” Any Def Leppard fan will recognize that as a high-impact Leppard lyric, from the song “Women.”

So, yes. There’s the money angle again. Using Steve’s memory. Again. Only, this time, she’s using the band, too. I don’t know if they support her, or if they’re as fed up to the gills with her as I am, but I truly wish she’d stop using those guys and their late friend, brother and band-mate to put money in her pockets.

Healer? Is that what you call yourself these days?
Well, then. Heal thyself.


9 thoughts on “Heal Thyself

  1. OMG you are so right about her!! Like alot of people on fb, I thought she was the sweetest, nicest person in the world who does so many nice things for people. She has a scholarship and all these charities, I thought she was amazing! And when she talks about Steve, you can really hear how much she misses him, so I contacted her about doing a book signing for her book in my area. This was years ago. I would do all the work so all she had to do was show up. It’s the least I can do for such a great person. Well, I did all the leg work and set everything up, and when she came, she wasn’t the nicey-nicey lady I talked to on fb. She treated me like I was a slave and didn’t have anything nice to say about any of the people or the arrangements. Nothing was good enough for her and she ordered people around like some kind of diva. I was so embarrassed. I knew these people and I busted my ass getting the food and drinks and flowers and well everything set up, and all she did was complain and treat people like dirt. But of course when showtime came there were all the smiles and heartwrenching stories about her lost love. At first I thought it would be cool to see Steve Clark’s actual clothes but I have to admit it was creepy and broke my heart. She was sugary sweet to fans that asked for autographs and pictures, but when it was over, the script flipped back again and she was pushy and rude again. All her niceness is just an act. In reality she’s rude and insults people like she’s some superstar and people that bust their ass for her aren’t good enough to kiss the ground she walks on. She’s just a big fake and it breaks my heart to see her face all over the place with Steve this time of year. His sweet memory deserves better.

    • I’m really sorry when I hear stories like this, and there have been a few. Quite a few, actually.
      But people will believe what they want to believe. I guess she represents a link to Steve in the eyes of some of his fans, even though in life he did everything he could to separate himself from her. I think it’s a shame, and I truly think it’s an insult to his memory.

  2. I have to correct myself. I said that nobody but a few of Steve’s old mates came to that abysmal memorial. But it looks like one fan did drive over an hour to be there. To stand in the rain and watch this woman take selfies standing on his grave. I hope it was a nice drive. I hope they had a good time. I can’t say I would have enjoyed such a spectacle, but I hope they did, after driving so far to be there.

  3. You better watch yourself lady. She’s a powerful woman and she’s already getting you blackballed by telling influential people what a bitchy hater you are. You just better watch your step. If I was you I’d apologize quick and take these blogs down.

    • Blackball me from what?

      REAL power comes from love, growth and maturity. Anything else is just agenda, manipulation and ego.

      I hope you’re mistaken and that she’s not sinking that low. From a woman of her education who claims such enlightenment, I would expect better.

  4. I watched the podcast she did on Periscope, and a few points stood out for me.

    First, I’m really happy that she didn’t wear any clothes that pimped her book, though she did that herself several times. If there’s anybody left after all these years that haven’t read her horrible book, I’m pretty sure they’re not going to.

    And I don’t call it horrible just because it’s so self-serving (which it is), but because it really is badly written. Her similes are a DISASTER. Opening a letter like gutting a fish? That’s a disgusting visual. And there are so many of them. A little of that goes a long way, and her prose is laden with them. She works far too hard on glorifying herself (while, at the same time, blaming everybody else for what goes on in her life – quite the trick) instead of just telling the story.

    The most important part of a memoir is honesty. If the agenda is anything else, it does a disservice not only to the reader, but to the person who wrote it. And, yes. There is a difference between believing what you write and honesty. I could write that I’m descended from Cherokee royalty, with a direct lineage back to chiefs and medicine women, and I could believe that with my whole heart. But that wouldn’t make it true, and it wouldn’t be honest, because I can’t prove it. She might believe with every fiber of her being that she was his one, true love, but it’s just not true, and there is evidence to the contrary. A lot of it. She refuses to accept it.

    I was absolutely horrified when she whipped out his scarf and waved it around ike a matador’s cape before draping it around her own neck.Up until that point, there wasn’t a hint of his clothing, and I allowed myself to think that this tribute was actually going to be tastefully done. Just his pictures in the back, and one of his guitars. Truly tasteful and touching.

    But then she did it. Whipped out that polka-dotted scarf like “Ole!” And brought out his boots to show them off, too. There’s never been anything tasteful about her showing off her dead EX boyfriend’s clothes. Nobody else does it, though they have quite a lot more of his possessions than she does. I had hoped that she finally clued in on that, but, alas, she has not. It just seems so grasping for her to cling to him so desperately in death, despite the fact that he didn’t want her in his life when he was still around.

    She was so far removed from him during his life, and certainly since his death, that she simply didn’t have the answers for quite a few fan’s questions. She wasn’t there for it. And certainly hasn’t been involved since. That was very telling.

    I found it amusing when she mentioned that there were “haters” out there saying that she does these things because she’s trying to sell something. First of all, that’s EXACTLY what she’s doing. She’s still pimping out her book for his fans to buy, and she’s got at least one (more?) crowdfunding project going to raise money for a film project she’s putting together called “Skin on Skin,” named for a Def Leppard lyric. So, yes. She is using her EX, and his band to raise money. It’s not like anybody’s making this stuff up.

    Secondly, I’ll tell her the same thing I said to Tabetha about having “haters,” and it’s this:

    Nobody begrudges her making a living. We all have to. But if she could try doing it without leeching the spotlight of a dead EX boyfriend that wanted her out of his life so badly that he took out a restraining order against her, that’d be great.

  5. She is an enigma. On one hand, she seems to live this jet-setting glamorous lifestyle, jetting off to Paris to hand with friends in the fashion industry and film a spot called “Skin on Skin” – still milking Def Leppard for every cent she can get off them.

    But at the same time, she’s begging for money on crowdfunding sites to finance the film and her expenses. And who does she expect to fork over the money? One can only imagine that the late Steve Clark’s fans, starry-eyed with his beloved memory, will send her the money. You know, since she was his “one true love,” his “princess in the golden tower,” his “only lifeline to reality” and all of that nonsense. Even though he had sworn out papers to stop her contacting him because he was about to marry another woman, the one he wanted to spend his life with. And put the EX in his past where she belongs. Until he and his wife both died, leaving the door open for the ex to make this “star-crossed” spectacle of herself.

    The only thing that irritates me worse than her begging for money off his memory is the fact that she’ll probably get it.

  6. Net suffering lately. listening to 1980’s Def Lep , my college years .
    LorelaiShellist, whoa. I knew some things, but names of DL songs in chapters of her book. Every April, updates. Ehhhh, a bit too much . They broke up and I wish they had not for I wish she could have got to him in time. If he had just one more serious time, maybe he could have saved himself. Janie Dean was a troubled person, …enough said. They met in rehab. YES, LShellist acts as grieving a widow. Band likes her, esp. Phl, they keep her around. YES, LepLady, Sellist takes 27 years deceased Steve to a new , weird level.

  7. Net surfing , that should have spelled. JDean was not his wife. Steve Clark was falling and failing he did not have a day , one day there in the end of clarity, to catch himself. JDean , he needed to call MalvinM and have her put in a car and on a plane and goodbye. Rehab. Long term. A year.
    It is sad how he spiraled. If anyone here has ever spiraled with an issue, and I do not mean drugs or alcohol, nothing like that, but just a problem, toxic relationships, goals, depression, etc., then you know what I mean.
    I am an old fan from the 1980s…dug out some 1980′ DefLep and net surfed while waiting out Hurricane Harvey/Tropical Storm Harvey here in Texas earlier this month.
    Some things of LS and Steve, I knew. I did not know died in hospice a few years after Steve. No doubt, her issues ruined her health beyond healing. I had no idea about Steve issuing a restraining order against LS. No internet back then.
    LShelist-was a real model. the real deal. She looks great. Is about 2-3 years older than Steve.Her book, I read some excerpts about her growing up and it was interesting. She and Steve loved each other. Yes, his addictions was too much…who dumped whom, does not matter. That was 28/29 years ago. YES, she supported him by being there as he was in rehab. YES, she is close , at least with Phil. DL did file a lawsuit , did not care, whatever , or allowed her to use their song titles in her book. That was ehhhh, a bit too much. Skin on Skin, too much. Every April, too much. That graveyard memorial, too much. IS she still in contact with his family, I doubt it. No, they did not show. Private people. The band, they were all young….had faults too, tried to help him….etc. Now, they miss him, have wives, children, and the music scene changed after Steve died. Timing, talk about timing.
    Her ,LShellist, grieving widow routine is a bit too much. No internet then, but she has sure made up for it since BTMusic. Agreed. it is 27 years since he died and 28/29 years since they spilt up. Asking for donations, etc. Too much. Too overboard.

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